Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ketchup is God's man juice
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
