I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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