I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
try to milk me bitch
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
