You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
