drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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