I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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