Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
