the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
