This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
