Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
