She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
