I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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