Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
