I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
