You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
