she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
