note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
