Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
