listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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