i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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