You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
