Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
