I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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