girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everclear isn't food dammit
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
