a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
