I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
