I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
