Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
