She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize