youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
