Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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