i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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