Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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