can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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