I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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