where am i from again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
