i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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