i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
