Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
