fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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