glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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