Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you had me at cake vodka
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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