I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
