Im at strip club and am horny
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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