all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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