You really coming over, don't trick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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