your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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