TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize