Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
