it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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