Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
