Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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