I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
