i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
