I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize