you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
