I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
