just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
