dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
