I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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