normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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