I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
