I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
