Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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