This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
