I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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