ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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