her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
