ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize