He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
