whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
