The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
