I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
