When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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